My International Women’s Day Story

This day is so much more for me, over and above celebrating the women of this world, how far we have come, and the journey that lies ahead. This day symbolizes a pivotal part in my own personal journey. I want to share that with you today, as it is not something I have publicly spoke about in detail.

On International Women’s Day 2017, the slogan was #beboldforchange. The words alone ignited a fire in my belly, a feeling still very present to this day. I remember the morning clearly. I was sitting on my couch, sipping my coffee, reflecting on my journey as a woman through the adversity of the corporate world. I was proud that none of my career accolades had been handed to me. I worked my tail off to get to where I was and I was incredibly proud of myself for what I had achieved. I was 10-20 years younger than most of my peers, most of which were men. Yet none of that made me wonder whether or not I could stand alongside them as an equal. I commanded the respect by showing up powerfully with my own presence and confidence in what I had to offer. I took up the space that I knew I deserved to be in. Still, I wasn’t blind. I fully recognized that men had a much higher representation in middle management, and even more so at the Senior and Executive levels. The statistics are very real and it needs to change. Yet, I never doubted my ability to reach great heights as a woman. It was never if. It was when.

I remember going into deep thought that morning about what mysterious code I must have cracked in order to accomplish these types of things with a seemingly large amount of ease. Was it who I knew? Was it the extra hours I put in? Was it my ownership of results? My ability to lead and influence? My ability to get from point A to point B as efficiently as possible? Was it my brutal honesty in meetings? Was it my ability to engage my teams and drive results? Was it the fact that I never allowed myself to feel intimidated by the powers that be? Maybe it was a combination of all of the above. Yet none of it held a candle to the sudden and profound realization I had that morning. I had an ability to succeed at whatever I put my mind to, because I stood firmly in my own power, as a woman. Whether the odds or statistics were against me or not – I stood tall and I stood strong. For such, I was rewarded greatly with whatever I chose to lock my crosshairs onto. Some call it manifestation. I see it as more of personal commandment of worth and deservingness.

I could hold my own in a volatile board room of up to 90% men with 4x the experience I had, the same way I could hold the hand of a woman on my team while she found her footing through her divorce.

I could engage a room full of 6-figure to multiple 6-figure business leaders in a conference room, the same way I could engage my employees in a team building obstacle course in someone’s back yard.

I could stand firmly against a policy and take on the responsibility of building a new one, the same way I could take on the responsibility of misstepping and experiencing failure.

I stood in my power through all of it, even when my style of leadership often raised an eyebrow. I spent time helping my team manage personal road blocks that were ultimately creating professional road blocks, and in turn negatively impacting their own metrics. I incorporated personal development tools, team building activities, reflection days and a whole other arsenal of unorthodox approaches in a world of black and white business. I had an ability to see people in an entirely different way, and as a result, I lead them with an entirely different approach. I had operated this way since my first leadership role at the age of 21, and I stood firmly in my approach for the next ten years.

So there I was on my couch, still in my housecoat with a half drank cold cup of coffee, beginning to feel something huge unfolding. I had paved the way for myself, and now I needed to pave the way for others. For the women who had not yet discovered their own power, or understood the value and rewards of standing in it tall and strong. Then came the realization that without a natural ability to stand in one’s power, a safe container for growth needed to be created. An environment where women could feel free to cultivate the power that already existed within them, until they felt bold and strong enough to stand in their power on their own. I felt the excitement rising within me.

By this time it was around 9am, and I had taken note of the fact that my organization had not recognized International Women’s Day. Hmmm… There was nothing in our e-mail. Nothing in the online portal and no discussions or events taking place for the women in the organization. My excitement was slowly being replaced with a sinking feeling in my stomach because I knew what I was being called to do. Be Bold for Change.

Our Value of Diversity: International Women’s Day was the title of the e-mail. I felt the irony of it all hit me like a ton of bricks when I typed the names of those who had the power to help me inflict this change in the “To:” box. They were all men. Every single one of them. There was not a single woman in any of these senior and executive positions that would have any steering power for the change that needed to occur. With a deep breathe, I began to type. The e-mail was crafted in such a way that provided both education and solutions (and a slight touch of: it’s time to wake up, gentlemen…). I entered into some sort of vortex that I came out of two hours later as I reviewed the e-mail one last time before hitting send. It was the most powerful piece of writing I have ever created, even still to this present day. My mind was clear. My heart was full. I was proud. And…I was also not naive. I knew that by hitting send, it would be up to me to withstand any backlash that could come as a result. And so I surrendered.

It was brilliantly written, Sarah. Did your husband help you write it?

The responses that came in over e-mail and in person over the next 2 days had me in a state of shock. Disbelief. None of it was intentionally malicious, but it was a glaring state of ignorance at best. It left me questioning everything. Was I proud? If I wasn’t proud, was I actually successful? Is the corporate ladder really what I wanted to achieve? Am I actually being responsible by clinging to my career? Words escaped me, which was rare for someone as outspoken and as bold of a career woman as I was. It’s like my throat chakra slammed itself shut in order to protect me from the anger, confusion and ugliness that was brewing within me. I was beginning to realize that without the confidence to stand in her own power, career dreams for a woman would be unnecessarily difficult due to societal and corporate ignorance alone. There was a reel of women flashing through my mind, never achieving their dreams in a system that wasn’t set up for their success unless they had the courage I had. This realization extended far beyond my own organization, as I was beginning to see how very real this issue still was in 2017. It was dizzying. My higher self recognized that my usual bullet-proof level of emotional intelligence was eroding by the minute and I was on the verge of erupting. My husband and my parents took the brunt of it all for a good 48 hours as I released the steam that had built up at an alarming rate.

Throughout the chaos, I heard this little voice. It was as faint as a whisper, but I heard it loud and clear. Save your energy, Sarah. This isn’t the fight you’re meant to be fighting. There’s greater work to be done.

I knew after this emotionally volatile experience, I was changed forever – yet at the time I didn’t know what it all meant. I just knew there was no going backwards now. I was being called forward for something as a universal force flooded me with broken record that kept saying: Be the change. Be the change. Be the change. Be the change.

BE the change?! I would exclaim back to this invisible voice. What does that even mean?! 

This isn’t your platform, Sarah. A platform?! What is a platform?!

The next few months were a haze. I entered into an all out war with myself. My higher self was calling me forward to create large scale impact in a way I couldn’t even yet see, as the societal definitions of responsibility, success & achievement kept me trudging my angry ass to work every day. It wasn’t long before my mind gave up and could barely form a thought, let alone a strategy. My soul was exhausted from trying to get me to listen and my body was physically wrecked from a poor level of self care.

I wish I could say my big leap was inspiringly smooth. It wasn’t. It was messy AF. If I could draw it, it would look like one of those movie scenes where someone is running away from something terrifying, and then they trip and fall and end up rolling and tumbling down a slope, bouncing off of trees and rocks for what seems like an unnecessarily long period of time before coming to rest at the bottom, questioning whether or not they’re awake, asleep, dead or something confusing in between.

I recognize this now as the inevitable breakdown, before the beautiful breakthrough. There was so much within me, so much coming at me, and only flames of fear spilling out of me. Little did I know at the time, that I was in the midst of the greatest awakening I had ever experienced. I had done so much personal development work that I had worked myself right into a corner, knowing that only I was responsible for fixing this and stepping into the highest level of power I knew existed within me. A level of leadership and responsibility that terrified me beyond words.

In January of 2018 I started my business with nothing other than a Facebook group (Shout out to the Life Intentionally family!) and this little voice in my mind that told me to just trust myself. By March, a new seed had been planted, unbeknownst to me. I had embarked on a women’s empowerment weekend in California, feeling shocked to meet so many Canadians I had never heard of before, who were all doing incredible things. Why did I have to go all the way to California to come to know so many epic Canadians? Why don’t I know them already? Why isn’t there a platform for Canadian women? It was a thought that stuck to my soul like Gorilla glue, and the little voice came back with a vengeance. Create it. This is it. The leadership responsibility of representing and taking a stand for Canadian women to claim their own power felt like the weight of the world. Who am I to do this!? A week before launching, my fear almost convinced me to change my brand name entirely to Soul Hustle. Can you imagine?! After a short but effective lecture on fear from my little sister (which I had given her in the past) it was decided. On July 1st 2018 also known as Canada Day, The Great Canadian Woman brand was born. This is your platform, Sarah. The little voice whispered with a sign of relief, knowing that I had finally figured it out. Sometimes it takes me a while. I am a Taurus after all…

Through empowerment coaching, business consulting, live events, blogs, books and the Great Canadian Woman podcast, this platform has impacted thousands of women directly, and one can only estimate the reach of the ripple effect. Women have launched businesses, left jobs that don’t feed their soul, asked for their worth in pay and received it, left toxic relationships, discovered their own worth and love for themselves, established the highest levels of self respect, shared their stories, grown their businesses, helped other women start their businesses, and the list goes on…

On International Women’s Day 2017, I was spitting flames, trying to push an idea onto a group of people who weren’t ready to understand it. Today, just two years later, The Great Canadian Woman Podcast was chosen to be a part of Apple’s Inspiring Women campaign for International Women’s Day 2019. The Great Canadian Woman platform is the safe container for growth that I was attempting to build back in 2017, but that little voice was just telling me to build it somewhere else, and make it a little bigger. 😉

Be the change. Command the change. I had to. We all have to.

Happy International Women’s Day 2019! May you all be blessed with #balanceforbetter

Hitting a Wall

Are you familiar with that gnawing feeling inside? The knot in your stomach, or the lump in your chest that you’re meant for something more? I knew there was something greater inside of me, something the world needed. I just didn’t know what it was. I’d looked for it in other people, in a variety of jobs, and a whole slew of side hustles over the last four years.

Not knowing what I was looking for, I did all that I knew how to do – I got busy, being busy. You know the kind of busy that you’re not really moving in a particular direction, but you’re always on the move? Even backwards at times. I started to search, trying different side jobs, ventures, anything I could get my hands on that could spark the feeling I had long desired inside me. Something that would illuminate the path I’d been longing for. It wasn’t long before this need to discover my path became an obsession. Unfortunately this obsession led me to becoming very skilled at burning my candle at both ends. Sometimes determination can be a bad thing when it doesn’t include room for rest.

Stress does fascinating and terrible things to the body, mind and soul. Everyone has different signs, signals or feelings that arise when they’re reaching their limit. For me, my body tends to tense up, I start losing sleep and eventually I’ll wake up with a cold sore; the tell tale sign that I need to slow things down and rest. Getting to know your own signals, and then honouring your need for rest will save you a pile of discomfort and hurt.

There was a moment throughout this experience where I truly pushed myself beyond my own limitations and the Universe was forced to step in to intervene. The level I reached with my experience with burnout is one for the history books.

June 2018 was the climax of years of hustling, and I’d now been working long hours at my day job, and even longer hours on my new business that was set to launch in a couple weeks. I’d been putting off taking a mental health day for weeks, months even. Being the one responsible for opening the store, I wouldn’t let myself call in. Either way I felt myself reaching the point of doing too much, and my sleep quality was beginning to deteriorate.

After spending an entire weekend playing in a Corporate Challenge Slo-Pitch Tournament totaling seven games and a whole lot of sun exposure, I was sunburnt, sore and utterly exhausted. I woke up Monday feeling like I’d been hit by a freight train. I remember rolling out of bed, moaning and most likely complaining to my partner that my lips had never been so sunburnt. They were swollen, achy and sore. I went about my morning, jumped in my car and drove to work. I managed to push through all of Monday and Tuesday on literal fumes in my tank. I was still putting in long hours, no breaks and preparing for a 11 day kick off launch for my new business. Anyone who saw me in that first week of June would have a clear as day picture of what textbook exhaustion looks like.

June 6th is a day I’ll never forget. It’s when everything I’d been pushing down, persevering through and ignoring finally came full circle. By this time in the week my lips had swollen to three times their normal size. It was then that I realized it was more than just sunburnt lips, it was also one of the worst outbreaks of cold sores I’d ever experienced. My lips looked like they’d been pumped full of botox; even Kim Kardashian herself would have been jealous. It was hard enough to go to work right now with how I was feeling, but now I LOOKED awful too. Every ounce of my body was screaming at me that morning to stay in bed, to call my boss and let him know what my soul was crying out for. To finally take that mental health day. I didn’t do it though, I pushed on telling myself I could get through the rest of the week and recharge over the weekend and get just enough rest to be ready to kick off my business launch.

I take the same route to work every morning. It was along this familiar route that the Universe finally decided to make herself known and step in. I was exiting off the highway onto another major roadway. I was driving in behind a semi, and as he whirled into the merge lane he had such momentum that it caused the suction effect to pick a piece of drywall up off the side of the road and  hurl it directly into my path. It hit my 2013 Buick Encore square in the nose as I quite literally drove through “a wall”. There was no avoiding it, I had to drive straight through. Shocked, panicked, alive I slowed down only to get increasingly upset at the driver, and for some strange reason at myself (as if I had control?). I put the pedal to the metal and cursed a few lovely sentences in my vehicle as I pursued the semi driver. I managed to pull him over only to have him say that it wasn’t his fault, have a nice day! That was it. I reached my breaking point. I had finally hit a wall…literally. It was in this moment that I put any ugly crying girl you’ve ever seen to shame.

I called my partner in complete tears, and with every passing breath I was losing my grip on “keeping my cool”. I was bouncing in between blubbering and hyperventilating, I’m sure he barely understood what I was saying. Since I was already pulled over I took a look at the damage – it was minor. I’d lost my emblem, tow hook cover and damaged my hood slightly. Though the front end of my car looked like it’d had a bag of flour explode all over it (or illegal drugs). I took some deep mindful breaths and pulled myself together, by thin and weakened threads – I still had to get to work to open the store and I was going to be late. I spent the rest of my drive being grateful for the little amount of damage, and the fact that no one was seriously hurt (in between waves of emotion and tears).

Once I safely parked. I leaned in to my tribe. I had joined Sarah’s Unstuck program and had an incredible support team that had known all about what I’d been going through. I went live in that group and poured my heart out, with laughter, big crocodile tears, ridiculously reflective glasses that probably hid my red eyes, and my sore and swollen lips. The Universe finally got through to me. I was finally ready to listen, and I was definitely done pushing myself day in, day out. I needed rest. I was sent home for my mental health day shortly after my boss arrived to work.

Since that fateful day in June, I’ve been able to establish better boundaries, though there are still times I work longer and harder. I’ve also eliminated my corporate job and pursued the business I launched that week full-time. Burnout and stress are very real in our working world. If you can learn anything from reading this is to listen to your body, take rest early, and know that should you choose to push yourself too far – the Universe will likely step in and FORCE you to rest. It can show up unannounced and at anytime and in any way.

Remember that your body is always speaking to you.

Listen.

It is always communicating and sending updates on how you’ve been treating it.

Call it intuition.

Call it signals.
Call it warning signs.
Call it whatever the hell you want.

Just don’t ignore it.
Ever.

Once the Universe is forced to step in – you never know what she’ll do to wake you up, or slow you down.
Much love,
Miss Olivia

Olivia Shwetz is an Intuition Reactivation Coach from Alberta, Canada. Find her on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/wakethewildwithin/ and check out her 8-week program: Naturally Intuitive http://bit.ly/Naturally_Intuitive

On Coparenting

By Nicole Dalcourt

I’m sitting in the passenger seat on my way to Florida to try and escape my seasonal depression. My amazing husband is behind the wheel. The Tragically Hip is cranked and we are giddy to escape the long Canadian winter for the next two weeks. It’s important to note here, that this trip would not have been possible without the help of my ex-husband.

My ex-husband and I share custody of our children. Equally. We always have, and hopefully always will. We both grew up in broken families, with absentee (biological) fathers and the impact of that loss left us both wounded. Despite how we felt about each other, we wanted to leave our kids with a different legacy – so we set out to love our kids more than we hated each other.

But, It wasn’t always easy. Not by a long shot. As early as four years ago we were in court fighting over passports and the Christmas schedule – and it wasn’t even the first time we ended up there. I felt ashamed every time we stood in the family courts, arguing over things that wouldn’t matter six months later. Neither one of us ever willing to relent, even the tiniest bit, each of us so desperate to win.

There are plenty of opportunities for arguments with this type of co-parenting schedule. This arrangement requires almost constant communication; texting, phone calls and face-to-face meetings, shared parent-teacher interviews and doctor appointments. Neither one of us wanted to miss out on our kids lives and because of this, they flourished. 

Behind the scenes though, it was a very different story. There was a lot of hate, grief and tears. So many tears. We insulted and fought and pushed and pulled, neither one willing to let go of the reigns. I can’t speak for him, but for me, it was just too hard to admit that he was doing a good job. A huge part of me wanted him to fail, so I could have the kids to myself. I didn’t want to share, not only because I missed them incredibly when they were with him, but also because it made me feel ‘less than’.

Every mother I knew had custody of her children, and I could feel a mixture of jealousy and judgment every time I told another divorced woman we shared the kids equally. I always felt a need to explain why I didn’t fight for full custody and had a host of canned responses I recycled through. The bottom line, and reason I never pursued it, was that the only ones who would feel the loss of their father would be the kids. It just wasn’t a burden I was willing to give them.

That realization had a profound effect on me. The current state of our co-parenting relationship was tumultuous at best, and the stress of it was starting to bleed into all other areas of my life. I had to put down my sword, even if he didn’t. Especially if he didn’t. I’d have to control my emotions, my anger and my fear, in all interactions I had with him. I knew it was going to be hard but with help from a therapist I committed to changing our relationship, or at least my contribution to it.

The first argument we had after I’d made that decision didn’t go very well. I was overwhelmed with my need to be right, too proud to let him believe he was ‘winning’. I was sucked back into the familiar rhythm that had wreaked havoc on my life for the previous six years. I had to learn to listen, even when I felt unheard and I had to be kind even when I wanted to rage. The next time we argued, I let him have the last word. It ate away at me for days. But, the more I practiced, the easier it got. Soon, I was barely reacting at all.

Then, something amazing began to happen. The more I softened, the more he did as well. Our communication became more thoughtful, which led to more understanding and compassion. Slowly, and with some backward steps too, our relationship changed. It grew to be a respectful exchange of ideas in regards to the two things we value most in our lives. Our children.

Nicole Dalcourt

https://www.facebook.com/nicolecdalcourt/

https://www.instagram.com/author.nicoledalcourt/

Entrepreneurship & Mental Health

By Sarah Swain

That face you make when someone tells you that you shouldn’t be stressed or depressed as an entrepreneur who gets to bring their vision to life.

FACT: entrepreneurs are more susceptible to depression, anxiety and substance abuse than traditional employees (source in bio for reference). .

Why?

Stress. Uncertainty. Social isolation. Personal and professional identity crossover. To name a FEW, of many…

Don’t let the world of Instagrammers living the dream on the beaches of Bali fool you into thinking something must be wrong with you and how you’re feeling behind the scenes of your business.

Gratitude isn’t lost on you for what you get to do with your life.

And it’s confusing as hell when you feel like you have it all, and feel like Hell all in one single moment.

There’s also nothing wrong with how you’re feeling. You’re not alone in your feelings.
Talk.
Reach out.
Talk to me.

Chances are I’ve felt what you’re feeling, too…and, we’ve got this.

And to all the entrepreneurs out there who make it all seem so easy, glamorous, and filled with nothing other than joy, beaches and laptops 👉🏼 This falsehood is harming people. This shit is hard! And sometimes it flat out hurts.

I have a full transparency e-book on Entrepreneurship Year 1 releasing in a couple of weeks and in it, I bare all this stuff – the behind the scenes funk, for this exact reason. It’s hard, it hurts, ands it’s lonely…all simultaneously along side joy, bliss, passion and excitement – the stuff that makes it all worth it !!.

Three articles below to help illustrate the relationship between entrepreneurship & mental health.

Sarah Swain

Founder & Visionary at The Great Canadian Woman

https://www.instagram.com/thegreatcanadianwoman/

Growth Hurts

By Marlo Ellis

Growth Hurts.

We often hide the pain in growth. 
That doesn’t work for me. 
I am not going to show one side of my world as I’m not one dimensional, and I see the lessons all around me and in all of my experiences.

Pain isn’t always a product of bad decisions and tragedy.
Yet, we avoid it like it’s the enemy.

Some of the best decisions I ever made were incredibly painful.

Retiring from teaching to free myself to do my work.
Leaving an abusive relationship even though I still loved him.
Putting my dog down.
Closing one chapter of my life work to begin another. 
Leaving toxic friendships that didn’t go as planned.
Saying no to people I love.
Sacrificing things I wanted to do because I had to look at the bigger picture. 
Disappointing people with my decisions. 
Saying goodbye when my heart was aching.

We have painful stories that are gifts and we have painful stories that are gut wrenching.

No matter the story, we grow.

It’s not always easy to look at it as growth because the pain is so deep.

Either way growth hurts sometimes.
But we are blessed with this thing called SPIRIT that is infinitely more resilient than our physical being and can rise up and recover even in the darkest of nights, to find light.

So Goddess, I encourage you to accept the pain.
Invite it in and learn from it’s voice.
The pain may never disappear but it will adapt to your new way of living and give you space to grow and love yourself deeper, if you choose.

But it’s a choice.

Marlo xoxo


Marlo Ellis

Founder & Visionary, The Uncommon Woman

“When women share their stories of strength from struggle they are saving a life or saving a soul.”


Contact Marlo

www.theuncommonwoman.com

https://www.facebook.com/theuncommonwoman

https://www.facebook.com/groups/theuncommonwoman 

https://www.instagram.com/theuncommonwoman

info@theuncommonwoman.com