By Marsha Vanwynsberghe
Why is it that when problems enter our lives we hide? The bigger the problems, the more we hide?
I get it. I hid for a very long time. When drugs entered our house, I was terrified about what people would think or say about me and my role as a parent. It may seem silly, but I know I am not the only one who worries about how we look in the eyes of others?!
That thought kept me stuck and hiding even further, sliding down a long dark hole. Once I started hiding, the shame and guilt set in. There is nothing that feeds shame more than hiding. So I was feeding my shame and keeping myself stuck simply by hiding?
I certainly was!
It took me a long time to “get it.”
There are no answers or solutions when we hide. The guidance of what to do next doesn’t come from us. It comes from the others we reach out to for support. That is how we learn the lessons we need to learn to get to the next step. That doesn’t happen when we hide.
When people would tell me to “always have hope and faith,” I can’t tell you how much I wanted to punch them in the face. Seriously. That’s where my mindset was. I resented others telling me to have hope when they weren’t living in my house, walking in my shoes and seeing the chaos day in and day out. I couldn’t see any hope because it was a sh$tshow everyday.
I also couldn’t see it because I was still hiding. I wasn’t ready to see it yet. I was trying to be the super mom fixing everyone and everything. I repeatedly set myself up to not be successful and that is on me.
I decided to put my ego aside, let go of my fear, and ask for help. I wasn’t meant to do it on my own. I was done with that hamster wheel.
Why do I share?
I share because every week I get messages and emails from people who are stuck in their lives. They’re frustrated, unhappy, and scared and they don’t know what to do next. Some are moms of teens struggling with drugs in their home and some are moms desperately trying to create some boundaries in their life.
The circumstances aren’t the issue. The feelings are essentially the compass.
If your feelings have you hiding from the world, living with shame/blame, and hoping you can figure it out on your own, stop the cycle. Reach out for help, call a help-line, ask a friend . . . do something. Just stop hiding because you will never find hope when you’re hiding. And every single person deserves to feel hopeful.
Wherever you are at, please know that you’re not alone, and there is a way to change your story. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You simply need to know what the next step is. One step, one action at a time will add up, therefore creating the change you are looking for.
We all need to stop hiding and reach out and support others. We are not meant to do this life alone. Not even close.